Tuesday, December 2, 2008

Five foods

I've been tagged by Linda at Kayaksoup for a food meme. Melissa of The Traveler's Lunchbox started it all and has kept a running list of the entries.

Five foods to eat before you die!

Here's my list:

1) Toro or the fatty part of the tuna belly, served raw. I don't care if you're squeemish about eating raw fish. One taste of toro dipped in a little bit of soy sauce with a dot of wasabi will change your mind forever about sashimi.

2) Duck confit. I crave duck confit during the dark winter months. There's something about the fatty, salty, and gamey taste of a duck confit leg that's so comforting. For me it's the highlight in a dish of cassoulet.

3) Crawfish. You have to travel to New Orleans though to do this one right: A heaping plate of spicy boiled crawfish in a bar on Bourbon Street while listening to a live jazz band. I'm going to New Orleans again in January, (my first visit back since April 2003) so I hope to enjoy it again.

4) Okanagan peaches. The Okanagan region is located in the southern interior of British Columbia. It's about a four- or five-hour drive east of Vancouver. The region is famous for its wine and fruit. The peaches from this region are my favourite--the flavour is so intense and the peaches are so juicy and perfumy. It's a sensual experience. The city of Penticton even hosts a Peach Festival every August.

5) Chablis Epoisses cheese from Burgundy. I tasted some of this cheese when I was in France in July 2003 and I've never forgotten it. It's one of those cheeses that knocks your head back when you eat it. It has the lovely creamy consistency of a triple-cream brie, but the flavour is incredibly strong, like a blue or a munster cheese.

Saturday, October 25, 2008

Three crap stories

First two are about me and cats, last one isn't.

Years ago, when I was at uni me and a couple of the guys I regularly drank with got our student loans through a few weeks apart, so what this meant was we'd all fork out for each other, and we'd end up on week long drinking binges.

After a while on the drink, woke up one afternoon in Tommy's house, really hungover, made myself get up and started making for the toilet, feeling really nasty. Stood on something soft. Yep, cat shit. 5 seconds later I'm puking into my hands, trying to catch it and running for the toilet. So I then have to clean my own puke (which was hangover nasty stuff and vile), but I have to wash shite off my foot, and while I'm cleaning up the puke, this cat shit is smeared onto the floor right next to me.


Few years ago I was visiting a girl I knew fromo uni, always fancied a shot at her, so I took the chance years later to go down and visit her for a weekend. SO I get down there, and she's really let herself go, her house is manky, she's not exactly the cleanest, and I instantly regret going. But, I'm making the most of the weekend. So we're out in the back garden, where the grass, of course, isn't cut. Walk into the house and we're play fighting type thing, basically flirting, if I'm going to be there for the weekend I may as well make the most of it. I notice a smell, it's sort of like nasty fart. I assume it's her, and think nothing of it, it gets worse and worse, until I realise I've stood in cat shit out in the garden. It had the consistancy of meat paste, and it was vile. So there's me retching, putting my trainers into a plastic bag and tying it up. Mood ruined for the weekend, worst weekend ever! The trainers sat outside my back door for ages, till they dried, then I scraped em off, then put em in the washing machine. They are pristene clean now, but I still won't wear em.


This next one I can't vouch for being true or not.

Guy I used to work with, rugby player. Tells me about when some of his friends are down at the borders for a game. They go out on the friday night and get plastered, and the house they are staying it (I think they had it to themselves) is at the bottom of a grassy hill. So on the way home they fall/roll down this hill. One of them gets to the bottom, and decides he's fine where he is, and falls asleep. Wakes up shivering in the morning, about 9 or 10. He's shat himself. After an initial panic he realises that his mates won't be up yet. He's got an hour or so before they said they'd get up. So he goes into the house, and sneaks upstairs to the bathroom. Spends half an hour quietly cleaning up. His pants are useless. He hides them in the bog brush holder and uses the sink to try and clean up. After a while he's gotten it off himself, but the sink is a shitty mess. So he creeps out of the bathroom. Downstairs he goes, and he hears the TV on in the living room, pokes his head round the door, and looks straight in the face of an equally surprised man. It's at this point he realises this isn't the right house. Says sorry and leaves.

Is it true? I dunno!

(Um, excuse the length.)

Thursday, October 23, 2008

Two stories

1. Years ago, I worked on the tuberculosis floor. I was all kitted out, mask, gown the whole schmear and walked into this guy's room to bring him his meds. I went throught the airlock to see my patient buck naked smearing his shit all over the wall. I screamed, "Trevor, what the hell are you doing?" "Painting a mural, Sister." He was completely delerious with fever.

2. At my mom's 60th birthday shindig, all of my sibs (there's 10 of us) with spouses and kids are there. We're in the fanciest restaurant in my little hometown. Really fancy. Really really fancy.

My excruciatingly unmanageable 2 year old was playing quietly under the table. At this point I didn't care what he did--he was quiet, I knew where he was, he wasn't destroying anything and I could get drunk in peace.

The smell gets stronger and stronger until I catch on and investigate. In rolling around under the table, he has squished this huge turd up his back and out his collar on to his neck and face and then down his leggings into his shoes. He is covered in excrement. There isn't a single handhold on this kid that's not foul.

Husband and I took him in the men's room and tried to clean him. At the end, the bathroom was shitsmeared, all the guests using it had fled and I had a naked crappy toddler wrapped in my angora sweater. (dry clean only. The drycleaners hate me now)

Hubby and I both tipped the maitre d' 20 bucks each, we were so embarrassed.

Sunday, October 19, 2008


In the 5th form at school, I was coming home on the bus while suffering a horrible stomach bug.As the bus got to my mates stop,my bowels just decided it was time to escape as quickly as possible.I grabbed my stuff and ran out to my mate and did the charlie chaplin walk to his place while shitting myself uncontrollably.Got to his place and his mum was really nice and would you believe it washed both my trousers and my now very messy underwear and then got a lift home into the bargain...of course I was then off for a bit while i recovered...

Also when I was about 4 on holiday in spain, there was this mock wooden american fort.My parents would wonder why there was a que of kids paying me a few pesetas to look into one of the fort rooms.Turns out that I had had a shit in their and was charging the kids to have a look..
And thats not even mentioning the time my mum wanted to take home a sponge she had found on the beach while on holiday in Tunisia,I mean how were we to know it was actually camel dung.

Monday, September 15, 2008

How I spent my summer vacation

This summer flew by and I have a lot of catching up to do.
We stayed at Desolation Sound Resort just south of Lund/north of Powell River and enjoyed several days of kayaking and exploring beautiful Okeover Inlet.
We would kayak for a couple of hours in the morning, stop in a cove for lunch and then kayak back to the resort. We had fantastic weather and perfect kayak conditions. We saw lots of harbour seals, schools of jellyfish and purple starfish along the inlet.
We enjoyed a healthy meal of couscous, cheese and crackers, organic veggies and cookies for lunch.
Desolation Sound is famous for its oysters and we were able to harvest these from the resort's beach and enjoy them at our cabin.
Just around the corner from the resort was The Laughing Oyster restaurant. The patio has a million-dollar view of Okeover Inlet and surrounding mountains.
After a full day of kayaking, we shared a huge seafood platter that included king crab legs, ahi tuna, halibut, salmon, prawns, oysters, scallops, and mussels with rice and veggies.
It was one of the most relaxing vacations I've ever been on and luckily Desolation Sound is only two ferry rides away from Vancouver, so I'm sure I'll be back there next year.
In other news, I've started working at a new job in a large hotel/casino/resort. This time I'm working in the garde manger (cold appetizers and salads) station and cooking staff meals. Although I love baking and pastry, it's nice to be back in the kitchen again and keep up my cooking skills.
One day old man Stumpy and his wife Martha went to the Illinois State Fair. There is this man selling plane rides in his single prop show plane for $10 per person. Stumpy looks to Martha and says, "Martha, I think I really should try that." Martha replies, "I know you want to Stumpy, but we have a lot of bills, and you know the money is tight, and $10 is $10." So Stumpy goes without. Over the next few years they return every year, and the same thing, Stumpy wants to ride, but Martha says no money.
Finally, when Stumpy and Martha are both about 70 years old, Stumpy looks to Martha, and says, "Martha, I'm 70 now, and I don't know if I'll ever get the chance again, so I just have to be naughty and have a ride in that there airplane." Martha replies in the same old fashion, and Stumpy kind of slumps down. The pilot is standing near by and overhears the conversation...
The pilot pipes up, "Excuse me folks, I couldn't help but hear your situation, and I have a deal for you. I'll take both of you up together, and if you can both make the entire trip without saying a word, or even making the slightest sound, I'll give the ride for free. But if either of you make a sound, its $10 each." Well, Martha and Stumpy look at each other, and agree to take the ride.
The pilot takes them up, and starts to do loop de loops, twists, dives, climbs and spins. No sound. The pilot lands the plane, looks back at Stumpy and says, "Sir, I have to hand it to ya, you didn't make even the slightest sound and that was my best stuff." Stumpy looks back at the pilot and says, "Well, I was gonna say something when Martha fell out, but $10 is $10!"